Friday, August 21, 2009

Transmorphers (2007) - Leigh Scott

Transmorphers (2007)
Director: Leigh Scott
Writer: Leigh Scott
Starring: Matthew Wolf, Griff Furst, Eliza Swenson, Amy Weber, Shaley Scott, Jeff Denton, Thomas Downey, Leigh Scott

While watching this movie the following questions were running through my head: Who would actually intentionally make a movie this bad? Who would actually sit and write the horrible dialog that is in this movie? Who would actually hire these incredibly wooden actors to star in the movie? Of course the question I should be asking is: Who would actually sit through this entire movie? Unfortunately the answer to that question is rather simple and probably somewhat shameful; I would.

When I say this movie is bad I mean it is really bad. I can't think of any superlative good enough to describe just how bad this movie is. I assumed that it would be one of those movies that was so bad that it turned out to be funny. No, it is even worse than that. It is so bad that there is no fun in it at all. Oh, how I wish that I were exaggerating.

The acting is far too wooden and it doesn't help that the script is terrible. There is nothing clever and all the jokes in the film fall completely flat. If the actors had at least tried to ham it up a little bit they might have been able to at least interject some humor into the film. An actor can take a terrible script and make it pretty funny if they just take it way over the top. If all you do is recite the lines in a completely monotone voice, you're not going to give the viewers anything to laugh at. Hell, Megan Fox's acting in Transformers (2007) is better than any of the acting in this film.

Now, I would talk about how much this movie rips off of other films but honestly that is to be expected. The entire business of The Asylum studio is to rip off and cash in on whatever big movie is popular at the time. I just wonder how much time and effort they actually put into these films and wonder if they expect anyone to like them or are they just hoping that they will cash in on all the people that buy this accidentally when they are looking for Transformers. That isn't the only film they ripped off for this one though, I honestly think they stole an entire chunk of dialog from Demolition Man (1993).

Now, you would think that there would at least be some fun in the movie from giant robot fights but you would be wrong. For a movie about giant robots there are surprisingly few actual giant robots in the movie. When they are seen it is usually so dark that you can barely see what is going on and when you do get a good view of the robots they look terribly cartoonish. They actually say in the film that when the robots came to earth they changed the atmosphere to make it dark all the time. I am guessing the real reason for this is that darkness helps hide how low budget the film really is.

The movie is actually more about conflicts between the people fighting the robots than it is about their actual fight with the robot. This would be fine if the conflicts between people were well written and interesting but they are not. These are some of the most cliched conflicts between people I have ever seen. With a movie like this we aren't looking for personal conflicts that mostly involve dialog, damn it. We want giant robot fights and this movie seriously lacks that.

As I have been writing this review I have been trying to think of at least one redeeming quality that the movie has so that I don't have to rate it a zero but I can't think of anything. This is just one of the most incompetent pieces of film making I have ever seen and that it not an exaggeration. I can't even bring myself to give the movie a point for effort because it seems like no one was putting forth any. When watching this movie you can really see that the filmmakers and actors just don't even care whether or not they are making a good movie. This could have had potential to fall into the "so bad it is good" category but the filmmakers couldn't even get that right.

Of course... as bad as this film was I'll still end up watching the sequel. Sometimes my morbid curiosity just gets the better of me. I mean, it can't be any worse... right?

Rating: 0/10

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